above your tombs, the stars will belong to tardigrades: DDoS, the Spanish Empire, and two ways to lose


Water bear. Coloured scanning electron micrograph (SEM) of a water bear (Paramacrobiotus craterlaki) in moss. Water bears (or tardigrades) are tiny invertebrates that live in aquatic and semi-aquatic habitats such as lichen and damp moss. Paramacrobiotus craterlaki is a carnivorous species that feeds on nematodes and rotifers. Water bears are found throughout the world, including regions of extreme temperature, such as hot springs, and extreme pressure, such as deep underwater. They can also survive the high levels of radiation and vacuum of space. Magnification: x330 when printed at 10 centimetres wide.

Water bear. Coloured scanning electron micrograph (SEM) of a water bear (Paramacrobiotus craterlaki) in moss. Water bears (or tardigrades) are tiny invertebrates that live in aquatic and semi-aquatic habitats such as lichen and damp moss. Paramacrobiotus craterlaki is a carnivorous species that feeds on nematodes and rotifers. Water bears are found throughout the world, including regions of extreme temperature, such as hot springs, and extreme pressure, such as deep underwater. They can also survive the high levels of radiation and vacuum of space. Magnification: x330 when printed at 10 centimetres wide.

This post is going to argue for a very simple claim: humans will never discover the purpose of being human as material survival or as material conquest. And after the argument will be an epilogue.

Along the way to that conclusion, we must consider anime and tardigrades. But we start with a dialogue with three characters, a Spanish conquistador and an Indian, and a bodiless Narrator.

conquistdorindian

Conquistador: All right, surrender. Give your soul to Jesus, give your gold to me, and give your labor to whichever slave owner ends up buying you.

Indian: That’s one way of looking at it. Here’s another way of thinking: My noble savagery and spiritual contact with nature gives my people a timeless, unchanging strength, therefore maybe I can hit you in the neck hard enough to break your spine even though you’re wearing armor.

Conquistador: Even you your tribe kills everyone from my ship and Spain doesn’t take this island, it doesn’t matter. You sit around eating sugarcane all day. You do nothing that animals can’t do. Spain discovers all science and new lands. Whether or not Spain takes what it wants from this island, your people will never make scientific discoveries or military conquests. Even if your primitive village survives forever, it will be nothing but a bunch of sugar-cane huts. Beyond your shores, every important island in the world will belong to Spain. And on this spot, there will be nothing but –

imperialistic house of prayer –

conquistadors who took their share

Indian: What? That last part is not even grammatical.

Conquistador: It’s a Crow reference to a Nine Inch Nails cover of a Joy Division song. Here, let me show you:

Narrator: And the Indian and the Conquistador watched Youtube together until they died. For decades, Spain ruled most of the world, and then Spain fell because of its own internal decadence. Thus the conquistador was proven wrong. By that time, all of the Indian’s people were weak, decadent, and addicted to civilized vices. Thus the Indian’s claim of ethnically rooted spiritual strength was proven wrong.

And the USA ruled a great empire, more fearsome even than the Spanish Empire, and ARPANET begat the Internet, and there were pictures of funny cats, and Youtube songs, and memes, and shocking tweets. And the servants of the USA empire were so distracted by the Internet that they failed to notice that the NSA was spying on everyone all the time.

And the great Internet company Dyn provided connectivity to the USA; but the USA plutocrats sold shoddy insecure Internet-connected light bulbs, Internet-connected fitness wristbands, Internet-connected refrigerators, etc., and all these electronic toys were made insecure so that the NSA could conveniently spy on everyone. But the NSA didn’t bother to defend their targets from amateur crackers, and thus Dyn got DoS’ed by cracked Internet-of-Things toys. And thus Twitter was broken, and the servants were no longer distracted by funny cat memes, and suddenly the USA realized that its empire was 90% distraction, 9% corruption, and 1% nuclear-tipped mutual assured destruction.

Quote:

Increasingly, bot-herders have recruited Internet of Things devices, which often have poor security, to their ranks. This allows them to launch ever more powerful attacks because of the sheer numbers of such devices. Two of the largest DDoS attacks on record have occurred within the past two months: first, a 620-gigabits-per-second attack targeting independent security reporter Brian Krebs of KrebsonSecurity.com; and then, a 1100-Gbps siege on the French hosting company OVH.

Even with state-of-the-art protections and mitigation strategies, companies are limited by the amount of bandwidth they have to handle such sudden onslaughts. “Ultimately, Akamai has total X amount of bandwidth and if the attacker is sending X-plus-10 traffic, the attacker still wins,”

End quote.

Source:
http://spectrum.ieee.org/tech-talk/telecom/security/what-is-a-distributed-denialofservice-attack-and-how-did-it-break-twitter

The thinking geeks fled from the USA (the Utopia of the Usurers) to Asia, hoping to find girls like the ones they had seen in anime, but of course Asian girls are not anime girls.

asiangirlsinonegif

See? I told you that there would be anime.

But what the geeks found in Asia was a Utopia of the Flattened Hamsters. While Asian humans were as miserable as any other humans, Asian hamsters had found that most blissful state is to be flattened.

This Wisdom of the Orient can be verbally summarized as follows:

How to make thin hamster

Ride a hamster on a hand and pet it kindly.

Soon the body begins to relax.

Continue petting it to become thin.

Continue petting it assiduously.

One minute later … Completion!

Seeing from the side, it is so thin.

Seeing from wherever, it is thin.

It is easy.

You should try to make thin hamster, too.

Frank Herbert hinted at a similar doctrine with his Mentat Creed:

It is by will alone I set my hamster into flatness.
It is by the kindness of the hand that the petting becomes assiduous.
Seeing from the side, it is so thin.
Seeing from wherever, it is thin.
It is by will alone I set my hamster into flatness.


But while humans can make temporary Utopias for hamsters by flattening those hamsters, the flatness never lasts for long. Sooner or later, the hamsters perk up, start nibbling around, and get caught up in the endless “rat race” for more and more sunflower seeds.


And humans who seek the meaning of life in stasis are doomed to fail. If you try to sit in your village of grass huts, eating sugar cane, you’ll be overrun by Spaniards. And in the skies above their tombs, the stars belong to tardigrades.

And humans who seek the meaning of life in dynamism are doomed to fail. If you try to sail out and conquer the world, your empire will fall. And in the skies above their tombs, the stars belong to tardigrades.

The aforementioned notions whimsically illustrates a fact that I presume the reader accepts as established fact: Namely, that in all of history, humans have never succeeded for long at static material survival or at dynamic material conquest.

Now here is the argument:

Premise 1: That which has happened throughout recorded history is what will happen in the future.

Fact 1: In all of history, humans have never succeeded for long at static material survival or at dynamic material conquest. That is to say, humans have never built a society with eudaimonia; humans have never discovered the natural law of being human.

Conclusion 1: Humans will never discover the natural law of being human with material survival or with material conquest.

Premise 2: By definition, the purpose of a thing conforms to the natural law of that thing; to know the purpose is to know the governing natural law.

Fact 2: Humans will never discover the natural law of being human with material survival or with material conquest.

Conclusion 2: Humans will never discover the purpose of being human as material survival or as material conquest.


Epilogue to argument:

Consider, once more, the humble tardigrade.

Water bear. Coloured scanning electron micrograph (SEM) of a water bear (Paramacrobiotus craterlaki) in moss. Water bears (or tardigrades) are tiny invertebrates that live in aquatic and semi-aquatic habitats such as lichen and damp moss. Paramacrobiotus craterlaki is a carnivorous species that feeds on nematodes and rotifers. Water bears are found throughout the world, including regions of extreme temperature, such as hot springs, and extreme pressure, such as deep underwater. They can also survive the high levels of radiation and vacuum of space. Magnification: x330 when printed at 10 centimetres wide.

Water bear. Coloured scanning electron micrograph (SEM) of a water bear (Paramacrobiotus craterlaki) in moss. Water bears (or tardigrades) are tiny invertebrates that live in aquatic and semi-aquatic habitats such as lichen and damp moss. Paramacrobiotus craterlaki is a carnivorous species that feeds on nematodes and rotifers. Water bears are found throughout the world, including regions of extreme temperature, such as hot springs, and extreme pressure, such as deep underwater. They can also survive the high levels of radiation and vacuum of space. Magnification: x330 when printed at 10 centimetres wide.

These little animals appear to survive almost any environment, including X-ray suffused deep space, high temperature hot springs, and deep underwater trenches. They are not human, and while humans are insane enough to try to cultivate tardigrade genes in human cells, there is no sign that any human will ever be able to use genetic engineering to steal the physiological resilience of a tardigrade. (I have no doubt that some humans will try to inject themselves with tardigrade genes. Some humans are willing to try injecting themselves with just about anything.)

Do the future belong to the humans, or to the tardigrades, or to someone else?

Here is what the propaganda says:

The sun on the meadow is summery warm
The stag in the forest runs free
But gather together to greet the storm
Tomorrow belongs to me

The branch of the linden is leafy and green
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen
Tomorrow belongs to me

The babe in his cradle is closing his eyes
The blossom embraces the bee
But soon, says a whisper
“Arise, arise, tomorrow belongs

To me!”

Here is what E. A. Poe wrote:

Lo! ’tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.
Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly-
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery to and fro,
Flapping from out their Condor wings
Invisible Woe!

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.

But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes!- it writhes!- with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Out- out are the lights- out all!
And, over each quivering form,
The curtain, a funeral pall,
Comes down with the rush of a storm,
While the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm
That the play is the tragedy, “Man,”
And its hero the Conqueror Worm.


And if, Nobly-born Reader, you have a better idea than the propaganda, and a better idea than E. A. Poe, do not waste another minute reading blogs such as this, but rather take action and remold this sorry world closer to your ideal.

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One Response to above your tombs, the stars will belong to tardigrades: DDoS, the Spanish Empire, and two ways to lose

  1. baloocartoons says:

    And if hamster-thinning fails, you can always resort to an owl.
    http://ex-army.blogspot.com/2014/03/rubbing-owls.html

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